The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill is a large campus that can require a great deal of traveling to get to classes. The campus is spread out over North, South, and Middle campuses with approximately a mile’s walk between North and South campus. Many of the unfortunate freshman are housed on South campus and have to travel up the “hill” everyday. To help this problem, the university has the option of the bus system. This system, involving many different routes, will help students travel across campus. After riding the bus and observing the students who chose to take it, I made some observations. For instance, when the bus is on North campus, the bus is rarely full; but when the bus begins to head towards South campus, the bus becomes full to its capacity. Therefore, I conclude that the students housed on South campus choose to ride the bus more often than students housed on North or even Middle campus. Also, I observed that the bus rides are extremely quite; no one talks to each other. However, I have decided that this quietness is probably because the students ride the bus without their friends; and since they are by themselves, they would rather not talk to anyone than talk to a stranger. I have also noticed that since most of the bus riders are reluctant to talk to strangers, they avert eyes their eyes to avoid making any contact. Based on how much trouble students go through to avoid people, it would seem that they are shy. However, this is based upon a poor assumption.
In conclusion, I propose that the majority of students who ride the bus are housed on south campus. Those students ride the bus by themselves, which accounts for the bus rides being so quite.
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You clearly choose a microculture, but you didn't really follow the outline of the paper. You described the group in depth; however you fail to talk about why it is interesting to you or why it is important. It isn't until the very end of your paper that your fully state a clear hypothesis. I think it would help if you took out the observations that you made because they were not necessary for this paper. Doing that would allow you to talk about what is asked for.
ReplyDeleteYour choice in microculture was good, as was the description. I feel as though, however, you went into too much detail as to your observations and it also seemed as though you observations were not well organized or had clear purpose to the feeder. This feeder is meant to outline our microculture, our interests and hypothesis. The observations, while good, seem to not be contingent with the rest of the paper. Also, your hypothesis seems to come into the feeder as disjointed and a last thought. The hypothesis is good though and can be readily tested.
ReplyDeleteYour diction is pretty good, and your organization should be looked at a bit. It makes sense, but runs on a bit too far. With adjustments, it should be fine.
Your tone is good, and is scientific while remaining subjective at the same time.
Don't forget your personal sentiments to why you want to study that microculture, would make it more personal.
nice job overall